There's Always A Way Back

"Oh... Um. It's you... Again. Hello. James." Jiggerpuff didn't seem as happy to see me as I'd expected.

 

"Hi Jig! Is something wrong? I've missed you." His face, heavily bearded in thick red hair and coming just above my knee, lit up a little at that. He had missed me too.

"Oh... Ah... Nothin' wrong. Just wasn't expectin' to see ya again as such. You been gone a long time." His meaty hands fiddled with the end of his waist long beard. I had been gone a long time. I was having to get more and more creative in order to get back. 

"I'm sorry Jig. Had a bit of trouble opening the Way." 

"Oh! Forgot about that!" He began scampering around me, looking for injuries. His long tail, like a white lion's, stuck out of his blue trousers and trailed behind him. "Where are ya hurt?"

My hand flew to my side, the forgotten pain returning in a hurry. My shirt was torn and dampened with blood from the knife wound. This one would take a while to heal. Good.

"That looks bad," Jig said, his face turning pale; he never could stand the sight of blood. "Come on. I'll take ya to see ol' Ghatz."

Jig led the way through the dry, crunchy grasses of Jossip's field into the shade of the Witch Wood. Not that he had to - I could have found my way to Ghatz's tree in the perfect pitch black of a Lunarean night. In fact, I had on at least three occasions. But Jig had been the one to lead me to the old witch's home the first time I ever found myself in Lunarea. There was something nostalgic in following him now.

Ghatz looked the same as ever when we arrived at her massive oak. We scaled the rung-like indentations in the thick, gnarled bark and entered an alcove of twisted branches. The floor was flat and level, despite being a natural growth of the oak. That was Ghatz's power; she worked with the forest. She was a part of the forest.

She stared at me with those reflective, yellow eyes as I stood hunched and bleeding from the climb. Her dark feathers ruffled and she crossed her human-like arms.

"You again, eh?" She always sound harsh, but I knew she meant well. She had even smiled at me once, after the Battle for the Towers. Ghatz never smiled at anyone. "You're going to get yourself killed one day, you know.

I gave her a weak grin as Jig led me to a bed I had l laid on many times before. How many times? I counted in my head while Ghatz gathered dried herbs and instructed Jig to boil some water.

"Ten," I said aloud.

"What are you babbling about?" Ghatz asked from the large table, also an extension of the oak, where she was grinding herbs for a poultice.

"This marks the tenth time I've been to Lunarea!" I couldn't contain my excitement. I started to sit up to look at their faces.

I caught a glimpse of Jiggerpuff's nervous expression before Ghatz walked over and roughly pushed me back down.

"Are you trying to fucking kill yourself!" She never used to swear. I think she held it in at first, but after my third or fourth visit she just couldn't be bothered. "Ten times. It was supposed to be a one time deal, you know. But you're just so fucking persistent. I wonder what kind of Catastrophe you stirred up this time."

I used to think that Lunarea was always in danger. Turns out it's mostly when I show up.

"Don't worry Ghantz. I always set things right."

"Oh, my fucking hero. Wouldn't have to set them right of you just stayed at home." Ghatz didn't mean anything by it. She was always giving everyone a hard time.

"Aw. Give 'im a break, Ghatz. He's hurt ya know." Jig always stood up for me. He gave his life for me when we were defending Crystal Gardens and the Lady Aldea. I brought him back with a pebble a sea nymph gave me. That was 17 years ago, when I first came stumbling into Lunarea, but it's still the most important day of my life.

"Wouldn't even be hurt if he was content to stay in his own damn world. What difference does ten make anyway?" She cleaned my wound and began applying the dressing.

"I don't know," I admitted, "It just feels like it should be important."

"Hmmph. Well ten must be your lucky number because that's about how many days it'll take for you to heal. Give or take."

Ten days. So it wasn't as deep a wound as I'd thought. If only he'd twisted the knife a little, that might have helped. Still - ten days wasn't all that bad. Better than that time I had that small cut on my eyebrow. I didn't even get to visit a full day before it healed up and I was sent back to that grubby little alley by the subway.

"Well ten days isn't too bad. What do you think Jig? What should we do? Visit Haddis in the Great Eyrie? See the Towers of Aranon? Play tricks on the mermaids at Glass Home? We haven't done that in ages!"

Jig sort of just looked at his feet for a minute, fiddling with his beard again. I was about to ask him what was wrong when a bird flew in through one of the gaps in the branches of the oak. It flew to Ghatz's table, stirring up dried herbs and loose parchment as it landed.

Shivers ran up my spine. Its head was twilight blue and faded to pure silver further down its body. It was flecked with spots like opals - not quite one colour, ever changing as the light struck them from different angles. It was a silver starling. Only one person in Lunarea had a bird like that.

"Lady Aldea requests your presence at the Crystal Gardens, James Childsaviour," if quicksilver had a voice, it would be the voice of the silver starling.

"I'm hardly the Childsaviour anymore," I laughed. It was a meaningless thing to say but I was in shock. Lady Aldea. Of all the times I had visited Lunarea I had only seen her once - the first time. When I saved her and all of Lunarea from the Light Devourers. They had called me to this world to save them. A little boy, bullied by everyone, who happened to find his way into a little alley in a bad part of town. It hadn't been a coincidence I'd stumbled down there - they needed me. She had needed me. And now - she needed me again.

"She asks that you leave for the Crystal Gardens immediately. She will await you there." 

"What about the Catastrophe?" Ghatz asked. There was always a Catastrophe when I came through the Way.

"A Fear Storm near the shores of Aranon. It is already being dealt with by others. Lady Aldea requests you leave immediately." The starling flew away and I stood dumbfounded.

"Well, I guess you better get moving. The Crystal Gardens are nearly a ten day journey away," Ghatz sounded almost smug. It was somewhat disappointing to have to spend my entire time travelling. But to see Lady Aldea again, even for a moment...

"Come on Jig - let's get going."

We made good time despite travelling on foot most of the way. I was ecstatic. It was wonderful to see the Lunarean countryside again, to relive those defining moments over in my head. And to see Lady Aldea.

"Look Jig! There's the Archstone where we first met! And there! That's the tree where I slayed Gharen. The Devourers didn't see that coming! I wish Haddis could be here with us - I hope she's not still angry with me about what happened to the Eyrie last time I came through."

I wished I could stay longer. Forever. I put my hand to my side and felt the twinge of pain there from the wound. I considered trying to open it, preventing the healing process, but I knew it was useless. I'd tried it before a few times and it had never amounted to anything. It seemed I could only stay as long as it would have taken the original wound to heal - without interference. The rules of this world - particularly the ones about entering and departing it - were strict. But not strict enough to keep me out for too long.

"What do you think Lady Aldea wants, Jig? Think she has some grand quest for us?"

"Don't know, James." Jig was a bit sullen but I figured it must have been the weather. I noticed him eyeing the slate grey clouds in the distance and tugging at his beard whenever an icy breeze came our way. We even saw a little snow despite it being late spring. Likely just the tail end of the Fear Storm.

I had forgotten how beautiful the Crystal Gardens were. They were tucked away in a valley, surrounded on all sides by great mountains. There was a tiny pass, invisible to all but those invited to the gardens. As we emerged from the darkness of the passages we had to squint at the brightness of the sun being reflected off of thousands of multifaceted crystal flowers. The garden looked as though it had been frozen immediately after a rainstorm - each leaf and bloom perfectly preserved within a coating of ice. It wasn't ice though, and the flowers grew and died just like anywhere else in Lunarea or on Earth. I resisted the urge to linger amid the sparkling roses and hydrangeas, the twilight violets and the glowing sunflowers. Jig and I walked hurriedly down the path to the tall marble tower in the centre of the valley, trying to stay focused despite the amazing sights surrounding us. I had hardly half a day left before I would disappear and be returned to my own world.

Lady Aldea was shorter than I remembered. She was only maybe two inches taller than I was, not including the great antlers - not unlike a deer's - that rose from the top of her head. I guess that's what happens when you haven't see someone since you were a child of nine. Everything else was exactly as I recalled. Her skin was like frost but with a slight blue tinge and her hair was raven black. It was her eyes though, that held me enthralled. They were violet and incomprehensible. As if entire worlds rose and fell behind them. 

"The Childsaviour has returned," she said.

"Your lady," I bowed as deeply as I could. Jig also bowed, in his awkward way.

"You were not meant to return," she said simply, "You saved our world and were returned to your own - but you have now visited our land many times. Why is this?"

I was suddenly nervous. I hesitated, thought for a moment, and then answered as honestly as I could. "I missed this place. Your lady."

"James. We must often say goodbye to things we love."

"No. I'm sorry, but... no. I can't. I won't say goodbye to Lunarea. Lady Aldea, I live to come back here. You must understand." She had to understand. She would. I was their saviour. Her saviour.

"Childsaviour. You cannot continue to return to this place. Our connection with your world is one of delicate balance. We can call forth someone from that world when we are in great need - as we once did. It is an exchange. You were in danger in your world, we saved you and helped you develop your strength. In return, you saved me and this entire land. When someone enters this land when they are not called it creates an imbalance."

"The Catastrophes," I said. I'd heard similar speeches from others throughout the years, whenever I'd returned to Lunarea, "But I deal with them, my Lady. I'm strong enough to stop them."

"The Catastrophes cause damage and pain that you cannot always stop," I started to protest but she continued on, "And it is not just the Catastrophes. Our world is beginning to feel the strain of the imbalance. Our seasons are changing. Our world is fading."

The snow we had seen. The strange weather. That's what she was talking about. "Please my lady... I'll find a way... just give me a chance."

"No. I'm sorry, James. Do not return here again. I am asking you to make a sacrifice for our world."

"But... it's my world too." I'm not sure if she heard me. At that moment everything became blurry and washed away like sidewalk chalk as rain strikes the pavement. I was standing in an alley, facing a brick wall. Tears welling up in my eyes.

I did try to forget about Lunarea. At first. I even went a couple months without even going near that alley. I had dreams from time to time. I think they were checking up on me somehow, making sure I was staying out.

But then I lost my job. It was just a stupid retail job with an electronics company, but it kept me busy during the day. Without it, well, I had a lot of time to think. 

I mean, I hadn't even had a chance to say goodbye. One more time wouldn't hurt. To say goodbye. Maybe visit a couple people. Make sure there was absolutely no way that I could change Lady Aldea's mind. So I began to plan.

It isn't easy getting into Lunarea. The first time, I was being chased by some high school kids. Bullies - the kind that don't know when to stop. I was drawn to the alley that time because Lady Aldea needed me. When I got there, to the dead end, the kids started pounding me against the wall. My lip split completely open. I think one of them stabbed me with something. Anyway, they would have killed me if I hadn't been pulled into the other world. Ghatz helped me get better, but once all of my open wounds had closed, I was sent back to the alley. 

I spent two years trying to figure out how to reopen the gateway to Lunarea. Tested lots of theories. I figured out that you have to be injured, but it has to be an open wound; broken bones and anything internal doesn't count. It can't be self-inflicted. That includes asking a friend to slice your hand open. Someone or something has to hurt you because they want to. I went through hell to figure it all out, but it was worth it. Going back is always worth it. 

It gets difficult, though, trying to think of ways to get someone to hurt you in a specific way in a specific place. Sometimes they don't hurt you enough. Sometimes they hurt you too much. You have to be careful who you piss off. 

Luckily for me, not even six months after Lady Aldea asked me not to return, I saw a news article about a vicious dog that was loose near that particular subway station. I started taking daily walks near my alleyway. I had a dream about Lady Aldea talking to Jig and some members of her council.

She said, "He's trying to come back. We must stop him."

"We've got some ideas, my Lady, but dunno if any will work. Just the one we was telling you about. That might." Jiggerpuff. That hurt me more than anything I could have imagined.

"Well, we have a great need. I suppose that is the only way. We must end this."

It was only two days later when I finally ran into the feral mutt that had been wandering around the neighbourhood. He tore a good chunk out of my arm before I realized I was standing in Jossip's field. Jig was there again, but this time, he was with Lady Aldea and some of her guard. There was also a little boy.

He was about eight. A long cut framed the left side of his face. I felt nauseous.

"What the hell is this?" I already knew what they had done.

"We called him here," Lady Aldea said, "To stop you from destroying our world."

I saw what he held in his hand. A tiny pebble, like the one I had used to save Jig. A pebble like that would grant someone a single wish.

"Don't do this," I pleaded, "Jig please. Please."

He just stared at me. I felt hysterical. I looked at that boy, not much younger than I was all those years ago.

"What did they tell you? Hm? That I was some evil man bent on destroying their world? Did they tell you I was just like you? They bring you here, make you feel important... strong... brave... they give you a home and then they take it away! They're just going to do the same to you. You could change it! You could wish us here forever!"

"That would break the balance, James. It would tear our world apart." She was always calm. Always so fucking calm.

"Listen to me!" I told the boy, "They'll just use you and throw you away." 

He just stared at me. His eyes were intent and his ear belonged to Aldea. I couldn't blame him, I would have done the same.

"We did not use you. We gave you something in return. You were meant to bring everything you learned back with you to your world. It was meant to help you live your life there." I hated them. All of them.

"Ha! Haha! Use it there!? Do you even have a clue what the fuck you're talking about? What exactly was I supposed to do to make my life better there?"

"Your bravery and self-confidence could have helped you get away from the bullies in your life. You could defend yourself. You could make the difficult choices."

"Bravery doesn't mean shit in that world. Those kids that almost chased me, they didn't care how brave I was. I could have stood up to them. They still would have beat the piss out of me! My father..." No, I didn't want to talk about it. I didn't want to bring this part of my life here. Tears streamed down my face. "My father didn't care if I defended myself. He'd just beat the shit out of my mother instead. Sure, I had the confidence to leave but how the fuck was I supposed to leave her there? Where would we go? This is the only safe place I've ever known and now you're taking it away from me."

Jiggerpuff was crying too. "James. James, I didn't know. I'm so sorry."

Lady Aldea rested her hand on the shoulder of the small boy beside her. "It doesn't matter now, James. Return to your world and make the best of your life there."

"Fuck you," I said.

The boy must have made the wish. I was back in my own world. A bloody and sobbing mess. I wished the dog had stuck around to finish the job.

I shut myself in my apartment for days. I didn't eat. I barely moved. Finally a week or so later I got piss-drunk at a pub a block or two from the Way. I insulted a rowdy bunch of college kids. I knew they were looking for a fight. When I left the bar and headed for the alley, they followed me. When they were done I couldn't move. I just stayed there, sprawled on the gritty asphalt, watching my blood pool in front of my face. The Way to Lunarea was forever closed to me.

Someone must have found me, because I woke up in a hospital bed a couple days later. They said I had talked about magical worlds and little men with tails and evil sorceresses. They sent me to see a shrink.

I told him everything. He listened well enough but I knew he didn't believe me. He gave me some medication and told me to write it all down. He said that usually helps.

It did help, for a while. Remembering the details and putting them to paper was kind of like reliving those all-important moments in my life. When I was done, I even tried to get it published. No one wanted it, though. One publisher I spoke to on the phone said that the whole gateway to a magical world thing had been done to death. People were tired of it. 

I went into a depression for a while. Stopped taking the meds. Thought about killing myself. But things have been getting better. I've decided I'm tired of laying around waiting for things to change. I'm never getting back into Lunarea. That chapter of my life is over.

Besides, magical worlds have been done to death. If my story is true, then maybe there are others too. There must be. I know I'll find one sooner or later.